There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
