i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
