the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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