Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
