we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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