So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
