Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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