Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
