So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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