In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
