I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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