I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love having hate sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
