i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
