dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
