I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
