best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
