Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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