I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
