I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
