no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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