I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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