i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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