Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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