So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
