Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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