she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
