i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
