I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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