One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
