Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
