You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i now understand why vodka
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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