you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
