i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
