he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
