I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
