To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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