Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
