just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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