is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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