she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
