Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
