the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
