ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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