Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
