She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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