This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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