I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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