Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
