I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
