and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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