She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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