bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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