Im at strip club and am horny
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sex in a hospital.. check
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
